Through every phase of my life, writing has played a huge role in how I express myself. My writing often shifts and changes into different forms, but it’s still there. Still a release for me. Still an outlet.
When I was little, I would write poetry. Countless and countless poems filled my journals and spirals. I had a love for written word on crisp paper. It brought me excitement.. and it still does. Through my school years, my interest swayed back and forth from poetry to short stories. I loved seeing my thoughts and feelings down on paper. And then the look in someone else’s eyes when they read those words and got it.
When I was in school, hand written letters with the pull tab was in the “cool” thing. I had my group of friends that I exchanged letters with all the time, including a best friend who ended up moving out of state. Letters were an important part of my everyday life. Over the years, I’ve slowly purged more and more of those physical keepsakes, but I have distinct memories of all the feelings that came along with writing and receiving them. As time went on, those letters with friends were replaced with love letters to my now-husband.
I was still young and there were times we didn’t see each other as often as the words needed to be expressed. Phone calls could only last so long (in our case, way longer than most humans sleep at night). Letters upon letters were how I was able to get my feelings out to him. Promises made, love expressed, futures planned. All on little pieces of paper.
Years later, after he joined the Navy, letters became our life-line. The effort that was put in to get every ounce of love I could into those pages was astronomical. Standing out on the front porch, waiting with intense anticipation for the mailman to make a life-changing delivery and then finally seeing him drive up…. and then getting that gentle nod from him, signaling to me that something special was waiting for me… indescribable. The oppressive guilt I felt after realizing that I shouldn’t have been waiting for responses, before sending another letter or card was shattering.
The amount of paper that flew out of that house after that point was astounding… every piece of it flooded with thoughts of love and worry and yearning and concern and positivity and sadness and hope. Time spent together in Japan and then again in South Carolina, broke up the periods of writing long letters, but deployments always took us right back to it. The letters. The cards. The care packages. It always felt familiar picking up that pen and perfect stationary and filling the pages, without hesitation.
Over the years, different forms of writing came in and out of my life. I had a blog for a short time, and I scrapbooked and journaled my memories for years. Holidays and even just time spent apart on fishing days, have brought me back to my place of comfort, putting pen to paper. Journaling when times get a bit rough and I find no other way to express myself, has always been second nature to me. Putting my thoughts to keyboard have now become quite natural as well. Writing is a friend I always come back to… it’s always there, waiting for me… like a comfy couch and warm blanket on a cold day… and it feels good.
This phase in my life comes with the yearning of editable writing. No scribbles. No jumbled papers and scattered pens everywhere. This phase of my life longs for simplicity when it comes to writing.
And that’s why I have started this blog.
Not as some stage to stand on, to shout my opinions out into the world, in hopes of being heard or converting others to think the way I think. No. Just a place for me to be me. To release whatever might be swirling around in my head. A safe place to express myself without fear of judgement, because this place is for me. If I attract some readers, that’s fine. But I will always be authentically me here. I’m creating this space to be my safe haven. My go-to friend to free all of my thoughts. A place to tell my stories, share my experiences. rejoice in my happiness, let go of my fears, and ponder my curiosities. An outlet for me.
