Despite the desire, I find myself not in a place where I’m able to create and write…. but I AM in a place of cleaning up in my writing world. I’ve spent some time recently organizing my documents, photos and folders. I’ve even seen some memories pop up on Facebook of some writing that was never shared on my blog, so I’ve taken the time to add it there as well. I...
This morning, as I took my shower, moments of my past flooded my thoughts. They unfolded in my mind as if they were happening all over again. Moments when I didn’t feel like I was enough. Moments that hold immense guilt for me. Moments that have played a role in shaping who I am today. I don’t know what brought this on. I didn’t plan it. I didn’t knowingly conjure it. I...
It’s almost been one year since your diagnosis. So much has happened this past year. I could talk about all the procedures, doctor appointments, surgeries and treatments. I could talk about all of the devastation, pain and exhaustion. But I won’t. I’ll remember how you rose up, faced reality and stood in your power. I’ll remember how you stood tall and beat the odds...
Last night, you came to our room. You had woken up and couldn’t go back to sleep. Daddy invited you into bed with us. You climbed in and found your spot between us. A spot you had not used in longer than I can remember. You quickly drifted off to sleep. As did I. I woke up several times to check on you. I couldn’t help but smile when I opened my eyes. Your precious face so close to...
When my kids grow up and start their own life… when they have their own kids… What will they remember? Who will they remember? Will they remember the mornings with a cranky mom who needed more sleep? Or the nights she was there for them when they woke up from a bad dream? Will they remember the mom who constantly nagged about all the things? Or the mom who cared enough to worry about...
I can’t erase you from my life. You are still a part of my story. You are in my memories. But they’re tainted now. I can’t ignore what you’ve said. And I can’t ignore how you’ve made me feel. You picked up the phone and kicked me out of your life. You sat in my childhood home and shunned me with memories of me in that house all around you. Even the very chair...
