That Word

That word that stops you in your tracks. That word that steals a second of your breath. That word that makes your heart drop. That word that makes every word following it become foggy. That word that changes everything in a split second. That word that flips your life upside down and doesn’t give a shit. That word that forces more and more streams of tears down your face the longer you sit with it. That word that makes you question everything about the future.

That stupid 6 letter word. The “C” word. That word. Cancer. 

That word came into my life yesterday. A short phone call from my mom was all it took. Suddenly all of our lives were changed forever. “Baby, your Momma has Cancer.” Those were the words that she said. My mom has cancer. What? This wasn’t supposed to be our story. This isn’t what was supposed to happen. The results were supposed to end up being fine. We were supposed to be worried about her heart, not breast cancer.

Nope. Reality slapped me in the face. We are worried about both now.

I got all the information I could from her… and before we could get off the phone, I broke down. “I hate this for you. I’m so sorry.” 

My. Mom. Has. Cancer.

There’s no “ifs, ands or buts” about it. Again, I question how all of this is possible. What now? 

She goes in for an MRI on Monday. Then, she has an appointment on the 20th to make a game-plan for whatever they find from the MRI. They’ve used the word “contained.” That sounds positive to me. I cling to that word like my life depends on it… or my mom’s life. 

“Contained” has to be a good thing and maybe that’s why they aren’t doing anything right away… Every time my thoughts go to a dark place, I repeat the word “contained” to bring me back.

I needed time to process. I needed time to cry. I went for a drive alone to gain my bearings… to process and cope. I ended up at a nearby port and watched the waves roll in as it literally rained down on me. Tears streamed down my face. As they do now.

I don’t know what the future holds for us, but I do know that my mom is a fighter. She’s the strongest woman I know. She’s tough and she’s a survivor.

She will beat this. She will be okay. She has to be okay.