December 31, 2018. It’s the last day of another year. As I get older, it seems like the years go by faster and faster. Like clockwork, as the year comes to a close, I find myself looking back on all that the year has brought me. The physical things.. the experiences… the inner growth and evolution.
Some things that come to mind are the trips we’ve taken.
A beautiful vacation to Port Aransas for our anniversary. The condo. The beach. The food. The aftermath of Harvey. Flying kites. Fishing from the shore. Playing at the park near the water’s edge. The boats. The sunrises. The sunsets.
A trip home as a family to see my mom before her surgery. The togetherness. The laughter. The love. The cold. The rain. Family.
Trips made alone by me and Kevin to see our moms. The focused time. The undivided attention. The bonding.
The trips to Houston for my “me” days. The retail therapy. The freedom. The alone time.
The trips to the store for our new office. The excitement. The planning. The forward motion.
The trips to the office. The pride. The sense of belonging. The feeling of establishment. The anchor of stability.
The trips to get ice cream at the end of a successful school year. The smiles. The accomplishment. The readiness of something new.
The trips to the library. The countless books. The eager children. The many adventures.
The trips to the beach. The wind across my face. The sounds of the seagulls. The beautiful views. The centering it brings me. Photos capturing the memories.
The fishing trips. The piers. The marina. The gazebo. The time outside. The time spent together. The memories made.
The trips to the arcade. The rock wall climbing. The go-kart driving. The jackpot winning.
All of these and more stick out in my head when I remember 2018.
Sadly, 2018 also brought Cancer into our lives. It brought new feelings and fears. It brought the reality of how fragile life is to the forefront of my mind. It brought more tears than anything else this year. But it also brought hope. It brought a sense of survival and belief. It brought oneness and togetherness. It brought a new bond and a new facet to my relationships. It brought appreciation and love and kindness and empathy and understanding. It brought more presence into our lives.
2018 has brought me clarity. It helped me start the separation of my old expectations and way of thinking, and the new life I want to create. It helped me set goals and not be afraid of failing. At times, I didn’t succeed and that was okay. 2018 was a year that I battled the hate talk in my head and for the first time, I came out on top. I found my power and will to shut that shit down.. I’m still learning and it’s still new, but I found it this year.
I have also found more closure in 2018. I’ve let go of things I never thought I could… and even things I never knew I needed to release. I’ve given up some of the need to control things. Things that have nothing to do with me and things that are out of my power.
I have found more peace within myself and within my life. I’ve allowed things to be as they are and accept them for just that. I am at peace more now than I was a year ago. That’s what I wanted out of 2018. Peace, through acceptance and allowance. I believe I’ve achieved that in many different aspects of my life.
2018 has been rough at times… it held some of the scariest, most life-shaking moments I’ve ever had… but it’s also held some of the most beautiful, freeing, and eye-opening moments I’ve ever experienced. I’m excited to see what’s next. To go through this journey in life. To peel back the layers of myself and truly appreciate who I am. I’m going into 2019 open and willing.
