I can’t erase you from my life.
You are still a part of my story.
You are in my memories.
But they’re tainted now.
I can’t ignore what you’ve said.
And I can’t ignore how you’ve made me feel.
You picked up the phone and kicked me out of your life.
You sat in my childhood home and shunned me
with memories of me in that house all around you.
Even the very chair you sit in.
Remember me…
Lounging with you in your recliner while watching old movies.
Doing my homework in the living room floor every night.
Grinning proudly next to the trees we planted together.
Helping you wrap Mom’s Christmas presents every year.
Posing by the fireplace in my cap and gown.
Surprising you in the living room with my wedding dress on.
I hope you look around that quiet house
and remember all that you have thrown away.
I hope the ghost of my presence there haunts you.
I hope the photos on your fridge of my kids’ beautiful faces plague you.
And if these memories spark something in that cold heart of yours,
I hope you remember the words you said to me.
“Nothing can fix this.”
You’re right, Dad.
There’s no coming back from this.
You didn’t just tell me you disapprove of my life choices.
You told me that my kids, my husband and I mean less to you
than your need for me to do exactly what you want.
Your actions told me that I’m not good enough.
That you don’t love me enough to set aside our differences.
That my kids don’t deserve you in their lives.
That’s right.
They don’t deserve to have someone in their lives
who would so selfishly dispose of them with such ease.
After years of grinning and bearing,
I thank you for finally showing your true self.
And doing it in a way that I can no longer make excuses for.
I will gladly walk away now and move on with my life without you.
Meanwhile, you can sit in the midst of those memories.
With those ghosts walking around your home,
reminding you of what we once had
when you used to be my dad.
